A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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