yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
