He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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