She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
