please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
