it hurts more in the daytime
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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