hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
