what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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