So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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