i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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