I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
