the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
