Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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