I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
