just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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