New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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