my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
