We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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