I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
