My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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