I'm so fucking centered right now
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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