Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
