ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
