Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is wine microwaveable?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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