you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
