its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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