if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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