There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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