well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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