Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
