My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize