Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Floor bacon is actually really good
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
