onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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