Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize