im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
