i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
