I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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