soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I would fuck him just for his dog
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
