You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
