I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
