Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
