you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
