i just had sex bonerless
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
