I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
