take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
