Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
