Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
