Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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