I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
