it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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