if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
