it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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