You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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