My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
