don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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