I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
