i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
