Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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