were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
