Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
