Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
