Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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