this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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