Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
