I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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