I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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