I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
