she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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