Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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